when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
