Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
