these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
