I am puke
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
