I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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