this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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