I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
