My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
