You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
