I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
