Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
