So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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