so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
