you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
