I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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