i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
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LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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