First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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