i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We have so much sex to catch up on
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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