Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
