shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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