My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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