note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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