At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
