I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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