were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
