We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh god the rape fog is back!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
