I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
