Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
