Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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