i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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