I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
