I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
