My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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