I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
