Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
