Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
