This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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