I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize