i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
