What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
