based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
