Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
