he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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