i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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