When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
