if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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