Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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