Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
