to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
