as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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