I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
