I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
