forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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