so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
