hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
