home. puking in laundry basket.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
