New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
