OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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