You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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