kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
