how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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