Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
