one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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