Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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