I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
