maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
