Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
