i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
