i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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