my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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