Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
