Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
