you're like a bully in the Christmas story
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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