Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize