you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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