I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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