Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
