If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
