in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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